i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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