ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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