I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
...so i touched it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
