i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
