When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
