Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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