Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
