Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
