i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
