Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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