She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
