My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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