she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
