Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
