Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think my moral compass just broke
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
