You're so nebulous sometimes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i drank out of a bidet.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
