Umm I'm too high to move.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
