I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
