After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
