I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
