Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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