The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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