I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
