the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Never underestimate the power of titties
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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