Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
