we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
