3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sober January is a disaster.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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