hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
