What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
