i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
