So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
