worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
