If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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