i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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