Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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