And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
