that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
