Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
