I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
