i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
