worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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