normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
