My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
