The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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