Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
