This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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