More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
