why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
