i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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