A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
