p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
